And the Academy Award goes to....

Me. Because I watched it while facebooking. I love multitasking. It makes me feel productive. Here is my run down of the Academy awards.

I am so sad for my lover Matt Damon. He should have won. His performance in Invictus was AMAZING for the following non-superficial reasons: 1- He did a flawless South African accent. I actually don't know if it was flawless, but I do know that it was hot. All I could think when he spoke was, "how can I bear his children?" That's not superficial at all. That is deep eternal love. 2-He was extra blonde and pulled it off. I like to be extra blonde (superficially of course) and I pull it off. We are made for each other. 3- I have an aversion to man thigh. It always kind of creeps me out when boys wear short shorts, but in Invictus, I was IN. TO. THAT.

Let's talk fashion. There are a few things that people should just stay away from. For instance, many people find it cruel to kill animals to wear their fur. I find it even more cruel to skin a muppet to make a dress like Zoe Saldana did. NOT NICE.

Next is Katherine Bigelow, James Cameron's former gigolo, aka his ex-wife. First off, let's hear it for the sister! I didn't know about her or their former marriage or what happened to end it, but as a woman, I just feel a solidarity for her and the fact that she gets to stick it to her ex. She beat him and that is all that matters. On another note, she kind of acted a little aspbergery when she accepted for the best picture. Just a thought.

Why did Jeff Bridges have to win for best actor. I have never even heard of his movie and he seems old and creepy, which does well for the academy. I was watching the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson and he says that beards get Oscars and Mr. Bridges had a long goatee and some slicked back hair. I think that's what won it for him. I would have voted for George simply for the fact that he is sexy.

I was rooting for Sandra!!!! I haven't actually seen The Blindside, but I think that I need to now. I like that Sandra said that girls like her, who make movies like she does, don't win Academy Awards. I think that she is beautiful, funny and overall REAL and I can RELATE to her and she kissed Ryan Reynolds so who cares about anything else?

I was glad that Mo'Nique won for best supporting actress. I haven't seen Precious either, but just from the commercials, she scared the living daylights out of me. She doesn't shave her legs (which I learned on the Barbara Walters special before) but she wears skirts. She says that her husband loves it, but I think he doesn't. I think that he loves how rich she is and will say he loves it. They showed her leg hair on national TV. Ew. She says she doesn't believe in shaving. How is that I belief? I no longer believe in showering or stopping at stop signs. I think its just common decency!

Last but not least- I am glad that Avatar did not win best picture for the following reasons: 1-Blue people freak me out 2- They did not let that sexy sexy man, Sam Worthington, speak using his accent. Crime against humanity!!! 3- There are jelly fish floating around and I did not see Spongebob once. You can't go jelly fish catching without Spongebob and Patrick! It's like tap dancing without shoes! 3- I never saw the movie because it looked stupid 4- Now I don't HAVE to see it because it is stupid. It lost. Now, I invite you all to ignore everything that I wrote and just comment on how I need to see it because it's amazing. Go. Leave your comments here.