I am Katherine Heigl

I was watching 27 Dresses and had THE most depressing realization of all time- I am Katherine Heigl. Not literally because I am actually Sydney (in case you didn't know), but it would be nice because she is rich and I like money....

So, in the storyline of 27 dresses, Katherine's character, Jane is always the bridesmaid and never the bride. I have not been a bridesmaid 27 times, but quite a few. In addition, I have done makeup and hair for COUNTLESS weddings. I have not had the opportunity to hold a wedding dress while a bride peed, but I then again I did flush toilets for a living for like 3 years.

In the movie Knocked Up, which I have never seen, she has a one night stand with Seth Rogen who apparently is a loser and she gets pregnant. I have never had a one night stand nor have I ever been pregnant, but I do tend to date complete losers who need to get their crap together. Unlike Seth Rogen, my guys never do, so this is where we differ.

In the movie Killers, she plays a completely awkard girl who does not know how to date. Did they base this character on me? I think they did. At the beginning of the movie, she has just broken up with her boyfriend who is apparently a nerd (I love nerds) and ends up in Nice with her parents. I travel with the parentals all the time. Twins. She meets Aston Kutcher (dreamy) in an elevator and is weird and uncomfortable and it is the story of my life. Where we differ- she ends up with Ashton and they kill people. I only threaten to kill people and by people I mean my brother Taylor, but he deserves it. He hog tied me last night.

In Life as We Know It, she plays one of the best friends of people who have a beautiful house, beautiful child, and another beautiful bestie in the form of Josh Duhmel (I would gladly lover him forever). She is completely focused on her career (which I was until I moved in with my parents. Have you seen their big screen and sat on their couch that sucks all aspirations out me???) and going forward in her life. She doesn't date. I don't date. Its natural, right? Where we differ- I don't have Josh Duhmel in his underwear in my house. That is the real tragedy here people. And the fact that I am Katherine Heigl. And now I have to get a snaggle tooth. Crap.