Let's start with Eminem. Hi, we know your hair is blonde. Way to go brunette so you can look more black. No one is fooled.
Dear Lady (or Man) Gaga. You are nasty and I have never actually seen your face. The nude light up outfit looked like naked Christmas. Way to ruin my favorite holiday. And, I couldn't tell if you had anything covering your bum (bum is a funny word). Was that a nude thong? All I know is that I'm comfortable.
Alicia Keys- you have gotten me through a many heartache. You do a great sad/angry girl music and I have enjoyed your songs and hope that I won't be needed your break-up music anytime soon, but wow-1987 called and said that even they wouldn't take those spandex pants. Also, watch your back because Mr. T is gonna come and get his gold chaines (pronounced chain-zez) back. Bad, bad, bad. But the WORST was what I am thinking was intended to be a belt, but ended up looking more like a necklace for your lady parts. And were you wearing back jewels?
Why did Michael Jackson win lots of awards? Did I miss him doing something besided dying this year? Yes, I am super insensative. Whatevs.
Now, on to the finale. Glambert aka Adam Lambert. He was in all his guy-liner, male polish glory. And his suit has stalagtites on his jacket. He danced with a girl. That is probably the closest he has been to a woman since his mama. But then he quickly had a couple of men in dog chains (no Mr. T reference here- Glambert's not masculine enough) and whips. Wow. Then he did something SUPER nasty that I am WAY to prudish to talk about. Then he ate a shemale's face. I think it was supposed to be a nasty kiss, but I have NEVER un hinged my jaw to kiss someone, no matter how passionate we were kissing.
So, I think that my spirits were lifted for a moment just because of how horribly bad it was. And I now also remember why I don't watch that crap. Oh, and Taylor Swift won entertainer of the year. I have a love/co-dependence for her that is unexplainable.