Thursday, November 4, 2010

27 is the year......

For many many things. This is what I am expecting for 27. I will GRADUATE! I am going to go back to Europe this year. It must be done. I will get a big girl job. I will have my own health insurance! Such a big girl. I will feel so very adult. In being an adult, I have decided to start doing adult things.

First of all, I went to my personal makeup artist and learned how to wear lipstick! Wha???

My lips look just like this. You jealous?

The next grown up item is that I am also wearing perfume...or attempting to find something that will accentuate my pretty face with a pretty smell. My siblings are so wonderful- they gave me a gift from Dillards. Its an event! I think going to an event sounds so adult. It's at La Chaille (very grown up) and they have all sorts of perfumes that you can chose from. It's $35 and you get admission to the event, a $25 gift certificate that you can spend at the event and a purse FULL of samples. Go to Dillards. Get one. I'll see you there.

Now, as part of being a grown up, it is time to decide on a few things that I am too old for:

#1 Going to parties. I hate them. I used to love to dance around and flirt with all the boys, but I can't stand it anymore. The men that go to parties to pick up on women are generally Ed Hardy wearing narcisstic shallow tools. Just saying. Sorry if I offend anyone. I have no desire to talk to, flirt with, or date men like that. But then again, there is no threat there because men like that don't date. They hang out. I am too old for just hanging out. You want to see me? Call me. Take me out. But I digress....parties are LAME....strutting my stuff is LAME (the stuff isn't lame but feeling the need to is LAME). And so, I am giving up parties cold turkey unless its a friend's celebration of their birth.

#2 Men who hang out and don't date . See above. Just ask me out. I will say yes.

#3 Men who dress like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. When did this style come back in? Its ridiculous. It is not 1989. Dress like an adult. I cannot date anyone who dresses "ironically." What is that? Be an adult. thanks.

I want a man that dresses like this:
This is attractive. I want a man like these. Also, if I date a man who dresses like this, no one will ask me why I dress like this:
Also, what is up with dudes shaving steps into the side of their head. Hate it. And the embroidered shirts and Italian boots. No thanks. Move along. Go to your party and find a girl dressed in lingerie and mouse ears that will make out with you and then not understand why you haven't called. Not for me.

PS I haven't seen Mad Men, but apparently I LOVE the fashion.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Just a few things...

So, life has been pretty busy this past semester. I am working 25 hours a week as a THERAPIST!!! They give me clients and I am the only one that sees them! These people are crazy-referring to my employers, not my clients... I have been pretty lucky in having wonderful supervision and a life that has led me to this career path. I actually think that I've done a semi-decent job.... Are you all a little shocked right now that I'm not singing my own praises like I always do? These are people's lives, kids. Can't be that awesome, but I am as awesome as possible for being a novice therapist.

New subject- I love the fall. To me, it is the time of new things. I really love change and it's a new semseter, new people in my life, new ward members, new experiences. I love fall wardrobe. I love boots and sweaters and scarves and layers! Oh, how I can do soooo much with accessories and layers! And belts! I told my friends in my program today that my shopping is like food storage. Everyone says that when they get married, they can't go shopping like they used to, so I am following the prophet and storing up for the long winter of marriage....

Also, its my birthday. And shockingly enough I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY!!! I think that its the perfect day...October 25th...As most of you know, I had the most ROCKIN' golden birthday 2 years ago (right, Erin? Doesn't get any better than that) and now that I am looking old age in the face (27!!!! What?) I realize that I am grateful for many many things, but mostly for Vivian, my personal makeup artist and Lancome representative that hooks me up with amazing anti-wrinkle cream. Bomb. Just kidding, but I'm not. Plus, it is right by Halloween which is the best theme for a party at any age. 2 months until Christmas, I could go to any dance in high school, I was one the first to drive (not that I did, I didn't get my license for like month. Lazy? Yes. Friends with better cars? Yes). And the most important part of my birthday is that everyone I love is celebrating me! Not really.....I love being around the people I love. When I left on my mission and was giving my farewell talk, I sat on the stand and looked out at all of the people who love me that was so humbled that God would bless me with such incredible people. So, thank you to everyone who has been a part of my life and shown me such amazing love.

Also, I am grateful for my life. Years ago if you would have asked me where my life would have been, this is not what I would have chosen. I would be married with babies (cuz I love me some babies) and not working because I am lazy and want to be a trophy wife. But, I have had immense opportunity to learn and to grow. I reupholster freaking chairs! Who does that? I am awesome. I have a wonderful family and so many opportunities to travel that others who are my age don't have. I am lucky. I am happy. I eat donuts whenever I want. I have 4 new pairs of boots. I live close to a little caesars. My earring collection is immense. Vaughn is the hulk and lives off caramel. Jan likes it when you booty shake her. I get to call my parents by their first names. I have wonderful roommates who are throwing my a birthday party tomorrow night themed "2001" from when I turned 18....not old....Well, this has been a much more reflective and mushy post than I have probably ever had. Anyway, LIFE IS GOOD!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

I feel so accomplished!

This semester has been super BUSY! Not hard, just time consuming, so I decided that I would add to my busy by re-upholstering my hideous chair and ottoman (like the empire? Not sure) that I bought a year ago from the DI. It's very comfy, but had a slight stink of the 70's to it..... and I'm not just talking about the upholstery. It smelled as I imagined the 70's did- cigarettes, dust, old people, and hippies.

I think that you call can smell it.....just imagine.

Here I am tearing it apart. I found a really nice pen, an old cigarette, a dime and a whole lot of velvet dust. I had no idea that velvet created dust but it does and it's weird. I kept the dime and pen.

Here I am just plugging away! I did the ottoman first then attacked the cushion and sides. Easiest to hardest.

The only sewing I had to do was on the front where the sides connected. It surprisingly turned out well. Not sure why I did all of this in a dress that day. Bless the staple gun! My hand was SUPER sore from all the stapling and now my carpet, despite vacuuming, still has staples everywhere.
You can see the velvet dust in front of the chair. So weird. So smelly. Didn't it turn out so cute???
Here it is with the ottoman and yes, it does rule just like the empire. I am not going to lie, I am a little afraid to sit in it because it might all completely fall apart. I did this with NO instruction at all and just did what I could. Yes, I must say, I am awesome.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

When mama is out of town...Vaughn gets sad....

My mom left for Prague yesterday morning at 5:30am. This is a detail list of all that the Vaughner has done since she left.

-Go to Smith's and buy a dozen maple bars, deli cheese and turkey, and a baguette.
-Call his children at 8:30am to invite them to come watch conference at the house (remember that he dropped her off 3 hours before). He tried to bribe them with said maple bars.
-At 5 when I got there, he had eaten almost all of the baguette, the turkey, the cheese and 8 maple bars.
-Came home from Priesthood and ate the rest of the baguette some more turkey and cheese even though he knows there is pizza coming in 5 minutes.
-Finished off the donuts (he ate 10 donuts in one him....)
-Ate LOTS of pizza (but then again so did I)

This is why Jan can't leave. Vaughn needs supervision.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

New Year's Resolutions

I would like to dedicate this blog post to my dear friend Alana. I am not very dedicated in the blog world, but sometimes a reminder to not neglect my online journal (I need to keep this for future posterity....ya, I want my kids to read about how I will be a trophy wife...don't think so. And kids would mean husband and I think this blog might keep the mens away)

Many people start their New Year's resolutions at the beginning of the year, and I do, but I also do some new school year's resolutions. I will detail both of them.....

January 2010.....
So, I am not very good at writing these down. Ever. This is what I remember and its probably the only one that stuck. I was going to and am currently flossing my teeth more frequently. Props to me. My teeth and gums are awesome and they thank my amazing goal setting and achieving capabilities.

I might have said that I wasn't going to shop as much, which didn't happen; that I was going to go to the gym, which has kind of happened but not until last week. I went three times. Sweet, but I ate more donuts in said week than I went to the gym. Does it still count? I say yes, but only because I intuitively ate those donuts. And finally, drumroll please.......that I was going to get a boyfriend. HA! Not a resolution, but I did go to Vegas in January and had a guy face rape me. Traumatizing, but it can count.

September 2010....
Let the school year begin! I always start out saying that I will read the material, that I will pay attention in class, and be on top of my homework. That lasts about as long as the thought takes place in my brain. I am now setting realistic goals that will actually benefit me, such as: only buy books that I have to. I have a stack of books with uncracked bindings because of my stupid past resolutions. WASTE. OF. MONEY. I generally get better grades than everyone in my class, write superior papers, and have opions about everything without the books, so my less is $1000 later and I have to use my precious space designated for clothes to put text books. Not happening this year (nor did it last semester. They trick you that first semester by making you think you will need them.....lies....)

Also, I am going to bring more snacks to class to aid me in paying attention and by paying attention, I mean not falling asleep and using my time productively through snacking and doodling in my planner. Good goal. I can honestly check that one off the list already. So, I think I am done with my resolutions. Any that you think I should add?

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Let's step up again....and again....and again....and again....

Ok, I am totally open with all of my crazy and guilty pleasures so here I will open myself up to yet another shameful (yet awesome) experience that I have had: Yesterday I went and saw Step Up 3D. Uh, hello!!! Awesome (and horrible all at the same time)!!! I will begin with the horror that is 3D movies. I really don't think that they make a movie that cool. I saw the nightmare before Christmas and a Christmas Carol all in 3D and honestly, the only thing that happens is that I don't see it that well. I feel like it makes it harder to focus on things and makes it impossible to really pay attention to the throw down dancing!. And the glasses are a little they sanitize those things? I probably wouldn't if I worked at the movie theater for movie theater wages. I blame James Cameron. Now I have already said how I feel about Avatar (haven't seen it- won't see it.) Since this movie, everything has to be in freaking 3D. It's not that cool. Also, those glasses really don't go with any of my outfits.....

The first movie took over the Maryland School of the Arts, the second took it to the streets, and honestly, I didn't know where this one would go......I obviously underestimated the potential of dancing........let's take it to THE WORLD!!!

Now let's dive into the plot (there rarely is one, and it's honestly better if it doesn't have a plot). Just a warning- spoiler alert. So, Luke (hot-great abs) owns a night club and he lives above it with a group of people he calls the Bfabb. Now I know that you are all just dying to know what that stands for.....wait for it.....wait for it......born from a boom box. Totally awesome, right? Oh, and their crew name is the Pirates. Soooo 2003. Moose from the 2nd movie is in it with his BFF Camille who actually played Channing Tatum's foster sister in the first movie. I'm pretty sure that she in NOT playing the same character which is weird because it's the same person, but obviously us Step Uppers are not smart enough to make the connection..... Luke meets this girl, Natalie, who dances in his night club that does not make enough money and therefore is about to be foreclosed on by the bank! What? Luke's parents' owned that and he can't let their legacy die like they did (no one could have predicted that and I certainly did not turn to my roommate Claire and say it).

Enter the Samuri and Kid Darkness (they are the most cutthroat dancing crew alive! You can't battle them just once! And yes, those are lines from the movie). They are the bad guys, which is obviously from their name and black patent leather outfits. Julian, who is the leader, used to be a pirate (not a literal one, but on the dance crew. If he was a literal pirate, I think that the plot could have been better), but got kicked off because he made a big bet and threw a dance competition to win his bet. Loser. Here's the plot twist.......Natalie is Julian's sister!!!! What? No way!

Ok, now let's get into the really bad scenes. Numero uno: Luke takes Natalie to his secret spot (not to kill her, shockingly, but to L-O-V-E her) and shows her his inner most thoughts? soul? No really sure....Well, some sort of air generator turns on and he takes his slurpee (every good love story has a slurpee) and let's it float up into outer space. SO. BAD. She does the same, then love is in full blossom and they mix their flavors of slurpee through making out. Not judging. I could use a little loving, but not slurpee loving. I prefer snow cones. Right before Luke finds out that Natalie and Julian are siblings, she asks him to run away with her. She says "we could go anywhere...even California!" So glad she clarified. I thought Cali might be out of the question. Everyone better know that they win. They always win. It's inspirational! It's monumental! As they win the battle against the evil Samurai, Natalie runs in and dances with Luke to win it all in beautiful midrift showing fashion (hello, 1997)! Then she leaves him a note saying that she has taken his movie about the Bfabb's and entered it into a film school and he gets in! Yay! Luke! You are a winner! And where is this school? You guessed it.... California! So, the little African dude that is a Bfabb tells Luke that he let everyone else live their dreams, that it was now time for him to live his dreams. Tear. So gay. The end.

The one major bright shining star of the movie is the man who does the robot. I have no idea what his name is, but I love him. He puts my robot to shame, which is pretty hard to do. I'm pretty incredible. I want to have his half robot, half human babies. Here is a little youtube clip for you all to enjoy..... I would do the whole uploading thing, but I don't know how to do that, so if anyone does, let me know how to do that!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Jobs that I could easily do if I weren't going to be a therapist

Sometimes I think about the things that I would be really good at if I didn't already had my career path ahead of me.

First of all, I would be a personal shopper. I spend my time in class and out in the world looking at people and how they dress and fixing it in my mind (not to be rude, but some of the social workers out there could use a little shopping therapy...I'm just saying). Chacos are NOT shoes to be worn day to day!!! Save them for the hike! Stacey London and I would totally be besties. Sometimes I want to dress horribly for 2 weeks and have someone nominate me for what not to wear so I can get $5000 to spend on clothes, but I go and look in my closet, and its just not, sigh, I shall not get a new wardrobe for free, but I might spend the money for one....

Secondly, I would be the best American Idol ever. Not for the talent, but for my shining personality....and my amazing talent. Sometimes (all the time) I sing in my car by myself, but since I started watching the Idol, I always think about how I would perform the songs on the show. I. AM. GOOD. I don't want to be famous and go on tour and sell record albums, just want to be on the show and win and then never do anything with it again.....except go on one of those "celebrity" reality shows and fall in love with one of the New kids on the Block or one of the Brady Bunch.

Thirdly, I could be a judge on American Idol. I am just as good as Simon. We always agree except on the weirdies with the dreds and the screaming voices. I also do a wicked mean impression of Kara and Paula. I'm sure that I could act just like them and do it for a whole lot less dinero.

And lastly, the job that I am most capable of and will be the best at, is.....drum roll please.......a trophy wife. I am blonde, have big boobs, and am very capable of shopping and spending money all day long (I might have accidently did some online shopping today that resulted in 3 dresses and a season of TV on DVD...oops). In addition, I am an excellent cook, like to clean, and would be very good at hiring a cook and a maid. I am pretty. I am capable of birthing lots of children. I am comfortable saying "I will let the staff take care of that." I look good as arm candy. I like diamonds (or at least I think I will). I have great taste in men's fashion and will be able to dress my man for some serious business (business socks included)...

And so, I bid farewell to my dreams of my alternate careers and look into my future as a second year grad student. This year I am interning with LDS family services working with their eating disorder's like the same thing as being an American Idol, right?

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Costa Rica, baby!!!

I loved Costa Rica. It was beautiful, but dirty and full of things that I don't particuarly like- like My pictures are all sorts out of order, but you will get the picture...
Brendy had a hard time with all the driving. She kept getting motion sick so she took lots of dramamene.....luckily for everyone else, she was completely stoned when on it. She has NO recollection of this picture. For those of you who don't know her, she is not a touchy person. We were waiting for the ferry to take us over to Montezuma in Puntarenas (the nastiest, worst place in all of Costa Rica) and she saw some sort of nautical thing that looked like a guillotine, so she grabbed my hand and made me look at it. So funny.
This is a mono (monkey) of the spider persuasion. We were in Monteverde going through the canopy tour which involved a bunch of suspended bridges in the rainforest. Amazing. You can see the baby mono peeking its head out to say "hello!"
It was torture being here. Poor me.
This is the pool from the bungalo that we stayed at in Montezuma. We would spend the day at the beach and then come back to the hotel and swim for a long long time....and use it to rinse off the sand...
This is a kawate. Its like a racoon. We were on the beach in Manuel Antonio National Forrest and Claire was tempting this guy with a cliff bar to get him closer. He ran up and grabbed it pretty much out of her hand. We had to watch our stuff really closely so things wouldn't get stolen- not from people, but from the animals.
This is a hike to a waterfall in Monteverde. Monteverde is not close to the beach, but in what they call the cloud forrest. As all of you know, I HATE hiking, but it was ok here. It was so beautiful and the end was the best payoff of any hike. I won't be doing it again anytime soon, but the waterfall was probably my favorite.
This is in the rainforrest during the canopy tour. I think I was being a raptor.....I think I thought it looked like Jurassic Park. I am that special.
This is the second waterfall that we went to in Montezuma. It is normally crystal clear, but it had been raining, so it was muddy. We got to jump off of this one. It was really fun!
Kathy went a little crazy...she kept saying "Ay, un mono en mis cosas!" which means "there's a monkey in my things!" This is on the airplane on the way home and her monkey just kept peeping up to say hello! Es muy loca!
On the way home, our flight left really early so we didn't want to get a hotel, so we spent the night on the floor of the airport. Miserable and cold. And then I got a NASTY ear infection. Love it.
This is a fruit stand that we stopped at on the way back to San Jose when we were headed home. The men working there were so so so sweet. They practically gave me a whole mango the size of my head to eat. They just kept cutting them up and giving them to us. So nice and delicious!
This is on the boat ride to Isla Tortuga. My hair is awesome. It looked like this the whole time. I am prettier in the desert- no tropics for me....
This little girl just kept playing with me on the ferry over to Montezuma. Her name was Maria and she didn't speak a word of English. We obviously switched sunglasses.
Women at work!!!! Getting ready to head out on the zipline in Monteverde!
These are known as glass ferns because when anything is behind it, the color changes due to its transparency. These are all over the rainforrest.
More of the canopy tour in Monteverde.
Here is the actual waterfall in Monteverde that we hiked to. It was so peaceful. It started pouring rain on the way home.
Cloud Forrest
We needed gas in Monteverde. This is the only gas station. It's a family with 5 liter jugs and a coke bottle funnel. Awesome.

Monkey and kawate on the beach at Manuel Antonio.
This is on the way to the beach in Manuel Antonio. We saw lots and lots of 3 toed sloths. Crazy!
Tortuga Island. Beautiful!!!
These are obviously just a few random pictures from my trip. I absolutely loved it. Seeing all of God's creatures and his beautiful landscape just made me want to travel more. I am working on going to Hawaii in October and London in the spring.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


Anyone else noticing the Asians that are posting on my blog? It's kind of weirding me out because they either say really weird things like "seeing is believing" or I can't read it at all cuz its in Asian. Do you think I should privatize my blog? What say ye?

Friday, June 11, 2010


I have previously mentioned my love for Glee, but I cannot express the intense obsession that I feel for this little show (not so little anymore...) I have been really busy this week (and every week of my life) and I have not had the opportunity, nay privilege, to watch the season finale. Honestly, I teared up a few times, but nothing too intense. I feel so much when it comes to music and I think they do a phenominal job with the songs and bringing emotion into it. I. LOVE. GLEE.

If I could do a do-over of my life, I always thought that I would love to have Stacy London's job and take the poor souls of the earth who are under dressed and makeup-less and give them a few lessons on how to be fabulous, but I think deep in my soul, I am a diva....Oh, did we just have a blogosphere confessional? Yep. Where are the real world camera's recording my sobs in a tiny room while someone outside the room is repeating swears loudly because I am over my time limit? Dunno. My sister Megan even told me that my career path should be to audition for American Idol. Not because of any talent that I might posses, but for the sheer natural born attitude for being a diva. Love her.

I don't think that I ever want to get married because then a lot of my car time will have an occupant beside me and when I get into the radio and man do I. GET. INTO. IT. I did choirs and whatnot since I was in fourth grade- I was born to be Rachel Barry, but unfortunately my parents are conservative Mormons instead of Gay men. Just not the same fostering for a narcissistic future star. Boo.

Here are my favorites: First of all, when I first saw Leah Michele, I almost thought it was Idina Menzel (love her, lover her husband more). Not her, but equally talented. Then the most amazing Kristin Chenoweth made her appearance as a sloppy drunk (I love a good drunk on TV and the movies-hits a soft spot in my heart). When she sings, my heart sings (who threw up with that one? I did). Then, finally(!) Idina shows up and SHE DIDN'T SING. Heartbroken. But finally, finally, finally she sings 'I Dreamed a Dream" with Leah Michele and I DIED (I hope you can feel the drama seeping out of this post-I mean it)! It was ridiculous. I did cry (shhh! don't tell) and then watched it over and over again (bless the DVR). I want to sing like that (and in my car I do). I also love Quinn. I love her style and her makeup- minus the pregnancy. I even took a picture of her to my makeup artist (yes I do have a makeup artist, but we were friends first, even if it was the makeup that brought us together) to get her look. Beautiful. I love Sue Sylvester. Her lines are hilarious and I secretly wish to live my life in track suits, but I am morally against sneakers being worn anywhere besides the gym, so sigh, no can do. I would also like to point out that Will is the cop from 'Dan in Real Life.' "Put it on my tab!" Last, but not least, Kurt. Dear, dear, Kurt. How can the world live without your fabulousness? When you say that your dad bought you your car if you promised to stop wearing knee-length tight form fitting sweaters, I giggled. I lol-ed. And no one judges you for having a Tiara collection. We all wished we had one.

So, bless Glee for bringing back my love of singing and being overly dramatic. I missed my Queen title.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

What is wrong with Seacrest?

So, I am slightly addicted to American Idol. You all might know that from my slight Glambert obession and Kris love. Anyway, I digress. Anyone watch Ryan Seacrest on Tuesday's show? He was so so so weird.

First of all, he says the weirdest things. Always awkward. He makes lots of gay innuendos (which leaves one thinking that Ryan might be swinging the other direction) to Simon. And Simon looks at him like he's a retard....and that might be because he IS a retard. He made a "joke" (I put it in quotes because I am saying that he is incapable of making a funny joke) by saying that Brian Dunkleman, who was one of the original hosts of American Idol, would be hosting the 'Idol gives back' episode. No one laughed. But that is probably because a) it didn't sound like a joke b) how is that funny? Then he had say "just kidding."

My favorite part was during Big Mike's song, you could see him in the far off distance dancing with another dude. Gay. Obviously. He is trying to be funny, but no one really could see it. I just guessed that it was him. So, to make his point and get the attention that an attention whore like him needs, he thanked his new boyfriend for the dance.

Have you seen him next to Casey James? He looks like one of the little chocolatiers. I really think that him and Tyra Banks should get married because she is an amazon woman and he's a midget and they are equally annoying so it's perfect. Then we can exile them to Patmos. Oh, and can I PLEASE PLEASE have Casey James's babies? Just a thought....

Oh, and can we just talk for a second about Simon Cowell's dress code for a second? What is with all the v-neck white t-shirts? I buy mine at walmart 5 for $10. He's rich. He can afford something a little bit nicer....oh, and maybe a bro. His moobs are poking out and it looks like his nipples are staring at me....

Monday, April 5, 2010

A new low...

So, I am not really into reality TV because I feel that ALL of these people show the absolute lowest form of society. I see Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt (I've never actually seen the show) I want to throw up. Have you seen what she has done to her face? But I digress. I do however love "The Soup" on E! I heart Joel McHale. He makes fun of all the people on reality TV and Tyra Banks. It's awesome.

Again, I digress. Here is the lowest form of humanity that I have seen....I was sitting here doing my homework (which I am now avoiding)and I saw a commercial for one of those "text this right now and get this ring tone" and guess what it was...text the word FART to such and such a number and get a farting noise sent to your phone. In addition to the nasty noise coming from the TV, there was a pink elephant lifting his leg farting....oh, and the area underneath the tail (known as the buttocks) was lime green. I'm uncomfortable. People please never text that. If you do, you might as well be Spencer Pratt. Disgusting.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

And the Academy Award goes to....

Me. Because I watched it while facebooking. I love multitasking. It makes me feel productive. Here is my run down of the Academy awards.

I am so sad for my lover Matt Damon. He should have won. His performance in Invictus was AMAZING for the following non-superficial reasons: 1- He did a flawless South African accent. I actually don't know if it was flawless, but I do know that it was hot. All I could think when he spoke was, "how can I bear his children?" That's not superficial at all. That is deep eternal love. 2-He was extra blonde and pulled it off. I like to be extra blonde (superficially of course) and I pull it off. We are made for each other. 3- I have an aversion to man thigh. It always kind of creeps me out when boys wear short shorts, but in Invictus, I was IN. TO. THAT.

Let's talk fashion. There are a few things that people should just stay away from. For instance, many people find it cruel to kill animals to wear their fur. I find it even more cruel to skin a muppet to make a dress like Zoe Saldana did. NOT NICE.

Next is Katherine Bigelow, James Cameron's former gigolo, aka his ex-wife. First off, let's hear it for the sister! I didn't know about her or their former marriage or what happened to end it, but as a woman, I just feel a solidarity for her and the fact that she gets to stick it to her ex. She beat him and that is all that matters. On another note, she kind of acted a little aspbergery when she accepted for the best picture. Just a thought.

Why did Jeff Bridges have to win for best actor. I have never even heard of his movie and he seems old and creepy, which does well for the academy. I was watching the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson and he says that beards get Oscars and Mr. Bridges had a long goatee and some slicked back hair. I think that's what won it for him. I would have voted for George simply for the fact that he is sexy.

I was rooting for Sandra!!!! I haven't actually seen The Blindside, but I think that I need to now. I like that Sandra said that girls like her, who make movies like she does, don't win Academy Awards. I think that she is beautiful, funny and overall REAL and I can RELATE to her and she kissed Ryan Reynolds so who cares about anything else?

I was glad that Mo'Nique won for best supporting actress. I haven't seen Precious either, but just from the commercials, she scared the living daylights out of me. She doesn't shave her legs (which I learned on the Barbara Walters special before) but she wears skirts. She says that her husband loves it, but I think he doesn't. I think that he loves how rich she is and will say he loves it. They showed her leg hair on national TV. Ew. She says she doesn't believe in shaving. How is that I belief? I no longer believe in showering or stopping at stop signs. I think its just common decency!

Last but not least- I am glad that Avatar did not win best picture for the following reasons: 1-Blue people freak me out 2- They did not let that sexy sexy man, Sam Worthington, speak using his accent. Crime against humanity!!! 3- There are jelly fish floating around and I did not see Spongebob once. You can't go jelly fish catching without Spongebob and Patrick! It's like tap dancing without shoes! 3- I never saw the movie because it looked stupid 4- Now I don't HAVE to see it because it is stupid. It lost. Now, I invite you all to ignore everything that I wrote and just comment on how I need to see it because it's amazing. Go. Leave your comments here.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I watch TV, so what?

I tend to like to do reviews of the things that I watch....and they are usually bad reviews, but I have decided to review some of the things that I enjoy!

First, I watched the new show on NBC called Parenthood. I started watching for one reason and that is Lauren Graham. She is Lorelai Gilmore from the Gilmore Girls, essentially the greatest show ever. I LOVE HER in a totally straight non-lesbian way. I have some healthy self-esteem (if you didn't know already) and have never wanted to be anyone else other than me (except whoever Brad Pitt was dating) but I want to be Lorelai. She is funny and so quick witted and I love her STYLE, but I digress.

The show was a bit more dramatic than I first expected. I thought coming from Ron Howard (who did the most amazing Arrested Development) and thought it would be more like that. There were 2 things that are similiar to the AD 1- Bland (aka Ann) plays Lauren's daughter and 2- there is the one brother who is holding together all his siblings. I am not 100% sold yet, but we will see.

Next, I am LOVING absolutely LOVING the show Modern Family. I came in mid season and did just fine, so I think that you all can jump in. It is HILARIOUS! Here is the premise: There is a father (AL Bundy from Married with Children) who is married to a young hot Columbian lady named Gloria. She has a 10 year old son Manny who is essentially 10 going on 40. And hilarity ensues. Then Jay (Al Bundy) has 2 kids. Claire, who is married to Phil (oh, how I love Phil) and has 3 kids and Mitchell who is gay and married to a big old flaming gay man named Cameron. Nothing is better than Cameron. They have adopted a little girl named Lily from Vietnam. Jay calls her a fortune cookie (good old racist jokes. The PC people in my diversity class would be appauled and I applaud-bad Sydney!). When Mitchell and Cam announce Lily's adoption to the family, Cam dresses up in traditional African garb, turns on "The Circle of Life" and presents baby Simba at pride rock (aka their living room). I peed a little. Hilarity ensues.

Then there is Phil. He is almost half-retarded half genius. I LOVE HIM. When he gets a kidney stone, he is soooo dramatic! His kids come in and he says "Don't worry, Daddy will be ok." His son says "We know." Phil-"We don't know that." Then he folds over in pain and exclaims "oooh, its cancer!" Claire calls an ambulance and gets all dressed up for the fire fighters and Phil guilts her and Hilarity ensues. I love it. You should love it too. Here's a fireman clip.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The stomach flu

I hate the stomach flu.
I hate wanting to die every minute of it. I would rather stab myself in the leg than ever do this again.
I hate that all I ate was like 10 saltine crackers and half a bottle of gatorade.
I hate throwing up. I will never be bulimic. I would rather be morbidly obese than ever have to do that again.
I hate that I missed two days of school and still had to crank out TONS of homework even though I almost died.
I hate that I have the crappiest insurance ever and couldn't really go to the doctor.
I love my roommates for taking care of me and pretty much making it so that I didn't move the entire day.
I love the little carrier monkey, baby Cal that gave it to me and I will forever love him despite the disease.
I love that I have a TV and DVR player in my room so I could watch my boyfriend Chuck all day while not moving. I gave up moving cold turkey. Smokers have got nothing on me. It really just takes will power to quit....and a debilitating sickness.
I hate that I had to boil all of my bedding to rid my room of all the disease. I feel like I had the plague and soon someone from Monty Python will come down my street screeming "bring out your dead!" and I will be the one that is not quite dead yet....yay for me. Then my roommates will bring out all of my stuff for it to be burned or given to the Native Americans like the smallpox blankets.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Dear Nicholas Sparks.

Please, please, stop writing books. I can't handle it anymore. Every single time I experience one of your books (generally in movie/trailor form), I end up with vomit all over myself. Also, Mr. Sparks, I would really really really like you to stop having your books made into movies. I know that you make lots and lots of money off of them, but it deeply hurts me and anyone with any sort of taste in film.

A Walk to Remember- or as I like to call it, "Please Kill Me so I Don't Remember." I will sum up the movie for you.

Mandy Moore- "I'm sick."
Shane West- "It's ok. You're hair and clothes are really bad in this movie. No one will miss you, but let's get married so I seem like a really good guy and can get scholarships for really young widowers."
Mandy Moore- "My dad's a minister so I have to dress like this."
Shane West- "Stop talking. You are not pretty enough for me to endure this."
She dies. And scene.

the Notebook- Still not sure why its called the notebook. It should be called "Fornication" or another movie that leads to another on again off again romance between its characters in real life.

Ryan Gosling- "I'm poor."
Rachel McAdams- "That's ok. I'm rich and spoiled so I can get what I want and still be a brat to you."
James Marsden- "I'm pretty. Did you see my blue eyes?"
Rachel McAdams- "I did see them, but this guy is into doing it on the floor, so I am going with him."
James Marsden- "Cool, I'll go become a mutant and fight Hugh Jackman for Famka Janssen."
Ryan Gosling- "I need breakfast."
Old People- "Let's follow hailey's comment and kill ourselves simultaneously and be able to join the mother ship."

Nights in Rodanthe- Didn't see it, but old people making out. Ew.

Dear John- Should be called "Come to my House Channing and Take Advantage of me."

I have not seen this one, nor will I unless Channing is shirtless for the entire movie and I can mute it. But then again I would rather watch him dance in Step Up (again, no need for volume).

Also, Mr. Sparks, could you pretty pretty please with sugar on top tell the dude or dudette who wrote Time Traveler's Wife to stop writing books too? Its just for the betterment of the world.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I'd like to introduce you to a few of my friends....

I have a problem...I have lots and lots and lots of shoes. I like to think of them as my friends and more as a part of me than just a simple accessory. Here we have the shoes on the wall of my closet. As you can see, I have had to start double/ tripling up on the slots. I have recently purchased four pairs of shoes in the past week...I was in Vegas! I must shop! It doesn't count, I swear!

Now these little beauties are what's down below. Also, those boxes all have shoes in them. They are stacked really high up under the clothes. I might have a problem.

Now, let's get to the clothes. On top there, I have my sweatshirts and purses. Inside all of those purses are more purses and I think that they are currently giving birth to more purses as we speak....sad story though, I was unable to find a purse that I wanted in Vegas. Well, I actually bought a hand bag/clutch type purse, but its not the same. And yes, my clothes are color coordinated.

Oh, did you think that was it? False. That was just one half of my closet. We end with coats here. I know, I'm ridiculous. People tell me to get rid of stuff, but quite honestly I wear all of this and I do get rid of it frequently. And yes, that is a care bears suit case in the top of my closet. Jealous?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

May they rest in peace

I have this most amazing and perfect pair of black flats. Paige was given them years ago and they were a bit tight on her feet and so she gave them to me. They were a bit tight on me too, but hey, I was just home from a mission and poor. Well, Lindsey wore them one day and stretched them out to the perfect size. Since then I have loved them. Its almost impossible to find a pair of cute black flats. I wore them the other day and I must say, that it is time for them to go. May they rest in peace....pray for me to find new ones! Oooh! That gives me an excuse to go shopping!