Sunday, May 8, 2011

Ok, kids...sit down and I will tell you a story....

of a fairy princess who lives in the land of Lehi. Is she beautiful? Why yes, she is. Does she have a most fabulous collection of clothing and shoes? Yes, how did you know? Was she being STALKED by a bird? YES!!! Was it the most TERRIFYING experience of her life? all just depends on the author of the story- could it be Hitchcock?

So this fairy princess, let's call her Sydney. Well, Sydney was smarter than all of the fair maidens in the land (not really, she just dated less and chose a life of spinsterhood (again, not really)) and decided to get a masters in social work so she could be RICH along with being pretty.....(what social workers do you know that aren't filthy rich? huh?) and then moved home to study for her test and find a job to get her out of the magical (or depressing) land of Utah. As Sydney was moving her amazing shoes and clothing collection (its like food storage. All of my friends who are married say that once you are married, you can't shop anymore. I am just building up my wardrobe so that when I find my prince (yes, I just barfed in my mouth when I wrote that too) I will have clothing storage. I am just following the prophets here, people).

She was so exhausted that she slept for a long long time (or perhaps she has thyroid disease, but she looked better than Sleeping Beauty-that chick is a hag in comparision) and was abruptly disturbed in her sleep by the tapping of a bird's beak and the fluttering of its wings on her window (which is in the basement- that's where all princesses live...). She gets a little freaked out because birds are like winged rodents. She then falls asleep again and is awoken at the unholy hour of 11am (it is kind of awesome not having a job) by this same birds constant flying into the window of her bedchambers (that sounds so British) that happens to have a very deep window well....weird little bird.

Later that day as our princess is directing her servants (herself) where to put all of her glorious wardrobe (which might have taken up 2 closets at Jan and Vaughn's. No judging) this same little bird flies up to the window in the other room where there is no window well and begins to tap tap tap on. FREAKY. Then it does it the next day.....and the next day.....AND THE NEXT DAY!

The princess then goes and tells the queen about this bird and says she is living in a Alfred Hitchcock movie and the queen says "which one?" Yep, Jan is awesome. No, but seriously, if I end up pecked to death, just look for that robin outside my window.

The End

And for anybody who can tell me what this is from will get a figurative gold star-
"It walked on my pillow! It walked on my pillow!!!!"