Saturday, January 14, 2012

New Year's Resolutions

Well, kids. It's that time of year again and for those of you who have spent any time at all with me know that I am fashionably late for everything, so here are the late resolutions.

1. Stop attracting creepy guys. I seriously don't know what the deal is! This summer I went out with a guy who would NOT stop texting me and asking me what I was odd. And he was 30 and has ALWAYS lived with his parents except for his mission. He sees no need to move out. Weird. If we were to get married, I would have to live in his parents basement and watch him make out with his mom (too far? I think I felt that as I was writing it...)

Also, there is a guy in my ward that sat next to me for a total of 3 minutes at the Christmas party and HE. WON'T. STOP. TOUCHING. ME. He constantly has his hand on my arm and tells me he's saved me a seat. I don't know his name. All I know is he is creeping me out. So, my goal to is repel the creeps and attract Thor. Just saying.

2. I really want a long thin gold chain neckalace. Or chainses (pronounced chain-zez) like Mr. T. His symbolize the chains of bondage of the slaves. Mine will represent my personal bondage to pop culture.

3. Figure out a way to get free botox. Things are getting any prettier and my biological clock is ticking, so we gots to figure something out. Botox is the answer, I am pretty sure. Any good therapist (like myself) would tell you that.

4. Take more naps. I might just be saying this because it is 1:45 am and me so tired.

5. No judging here, but I am going to vote for the first time. I have never gotten around to registering because when I get my driver's license renewed, my birthdate is always just a few days after the deadline. I am officially registered now. Such a grown up.

6. Move out of Jan and Vaughn's basement. I have been looking at places FOREVER, but nothing is really working out at the moment. I need a big closet (I currently using 2 of Jan's closets- its called Occupy closets. The goal is to show the world that I need more clothes) and a place to do my crafts, tae bow (its totally coming back), Native American fluting, and, of course, my planking. This all takes up space so I NEED a big room and closet.

7. I found out that Thor is married. I cried for days. How dare he???!? So, my goal goes a little something like this "Nevermind I will find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you two (not. I hope she gets all disfigured). Don't forget me! I beg! I remember you said sometimes it lasts in love (but it helps when you have met them) and sometimes it hurts instead (like when in the movie you only had your shirt off for like 15 seconds. That hurt. Bad.)" Those were the original lyrics to this song. Just in case you were wondering. So, my goal is to find someone like Thor. That's all. It might be lofty, but I the only action I am getting is from a guy who just won't STOP touching my arm ALL THE TIME, so I will take my fantasy life. Aren't you all glad that you are not me??