Tuesday, March 9, 2010

And the Academy Award goes to....

Me. Because I watched it while facebooking. I love multitasking. It makes me feel productive. Here is my run down of the Academy awards.

I am so sad for my lover Matt Damon. He should have won. His performance in Invictus was AMAZING for the following non-superficial reasons: 1- He did a flawless South African accent. I actually don't know if it was flawless, but I do know that it was hot. All I could think when he spoke was, "how can I bear his children?" That's not superficial at all. That is deep eternal love. 2-He was extra blonde and pulled it off. I like to be extra blonde (superficially of course) and I pull it off. We are made for each other. 3- I have an aversion to man thigh. It always kind of creeps me out when boys wear short shorts, but in Invictus, I was IN. TO. THAT.

Let's talk fashion. There are a few things that people should just stay away from. For instance, many people find it cruel to kill animals to wear their fur. I find it even more cruel to skin a muppet to make a dress like Zoe Saldana did. NOT NICE.

Next is Katherine Bigelow, James Cameron's former gigolo, aka his ex-wife. First off, let's hear it for the sister! I didn't know about her or their former marriage or what happened to end it, but as a woman, I just feel a solidarity for her and the fact that she gets to stick it to her ex. She beat him and that is all that matters. On another note, she kind of acted a little aspbergery when she accepted for the best picture. Just a thought.

Why did Jeff Bridges have to win for best actor. I have never even heard of his movie and he seems old and creepy, which does well for the academy. I was watching the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson and he says that beards get Oscars and Mr. Bridges had a long goatee and some slicked back hair. I think that's what won it for him. I would have voted for George simply for the fact that he is sexy.

I was rooting for Sandra!!!! I haven't actually seen The Blindside, but I think that I need to now. I like that Sandra said that girls like her, who make movies like she does, don't win Academy Awards. I think that she is beautiful, funny and overall REAL and I can RELATE to her and she kissed Ryan Reynolds so who cares about anything else?

I was glad that Mo'Nique won for best supporting actress. I haven't seen Precious either, but just from the commercials, she scared the living daylights out of me. She doesn't shave her legs (which I learned on the Barbara Walters special before) but she wears skirts. She says that her husband loves it, but I think he doesn't. I think that he loves how rich she is and will say he loves it. They showed her leg hair on national TV. Ew. She says she doesn't believe in shaving. How is that I belief? I no longer believe in showering or stopping at stop signs. I think its just common decency!

Last but not least- I am glad that Avatar did not win best picture for the following reasons: 1-Blue people freak me out 2- They did not let that sexy sexy man, Sam Worthington, speak using his accent. Crime against humanity!!! 3- There are jelly fish floating around and I did not see Spongebob once. You can't go jelly fish catching without Spongebob and Patrick! It's like tap dancing without shoes! 3- I never saw the movie because it looked stupid 4- Now I don't HAVE to see it because it is stupid. It lost. Now, I invite you all to ignore everything that I wrote and just comment on how I need to see it because it's amazing. Go. Leave your comments here.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I watch TV, so what?

I tend to like to do reviews of the things that I watch....and they are usually bad reviews, but I have decided to review some of the things that I enjoy!

First, I watched the new show on NBC called Parenthood. I started watching for one reason and that is Lauren Graham. She is Lorelai Gilmore from the Gilmore Girls, essentially the greatest show ever. I LOVE HER in a totally straight non-lesbian way. I have some healthy self-esteem (if you didn't know already) and have never wanted to be anyone else other than me (except whoever Brad Pitt was dating) but I want to be Lorelai. She is funny and so quick witted and I love her STYLE, but I digress.

The show was a bit more dramatic than I first expected. I thought coming from Ron Howard (who did the most amazing Arrested Development) and thought it would be more like that. There were 2 things that are similiar to the AD 1- Bland (aka Ann) plays Lauren's daughter and 2- there is the one brother who is holding together all his siblings. I am not 100% sold yet, but we will see.

Next, I am LOVING absolutely LOVING the show Modern Family. I came in mid season and did just fine, so I think that you all can jump in. It is HILARIOUS! Here is the premise: There is a father (AL Bundy from Married with Children) who is married to a young hot Columbian lady named Gloria. She has a 10 year old son Manny who is essentially 10 going on 40. And hilarity ensues. Then Jay (Al Bundy) has 2 kids. Claire, who is married to Phil (oh, how I love Phil) and has 3 kids and Mitchell who is gay and married to a big old flaming gay man named Cameron. Nothing is better than Cameron. They have adopted a little girl named Lily from Vietnam. Jay calls her a fortune cookie (good old racist jokes. The PC people in my diversity class would be appauled and I applaud-bad Sydney!). When Mitchell and Cam announce Lily's adoption to the family, Cam dresses up in traditional African garb, turns on "The Circle of Life" and presents baby Simba at pride rock (aka their living room). I peed a little. Hilarity ensues.

Then there is Phil. He is almost half-retarded half genius. I LOVE HIM. When he gets a kidney stone, he is soooo dramatic! His kids come in and he says "Don't worry, Daddy will be ok." His son says "We know." Phil-"We don't know that." Then he folds over in pain and exclaims "oooh, its cancer!" Claire calls an ambulance and gets all dressed up for the fire fighters and Phil guilts her and Hilarity ensues. I love it. You should love it too. Here's a fireman clip.